Punk Rock Female Roller Derby?

What will the Brits think of next?

Imagine you could invent a sport from scratch. How about something sexy, anti-corporate, amazingly fast and incredibly violent. A sort of anti-golf. Now imagine that the women who play this sport have names like Ivana S. Pankin, Sybil Disobedience and Gori Amos. And how about tiebreakers settled by a pillow fight between a punk mother in a skimpy sailor costume and a heavy metal librarian in a fluorescent orange porn-fantasy prison mini-dress? And how about - instead of red cards or sin bins - bad girls have to spin a "wheel of shame"? With punishments including being spanked with plastic flyswatters by the entire crowd?

Congratulations, you've just imagined the all-new, all-female, all-punk Roller Derby - possibly the greatest sport ever invented.