Saturday, June 11, 2005

My New Career

I'm thinking of quitting my job and become one of these "experts" who seem to make their living in the music business but don't seem to have much talent except to stumble upon things and recognize gold when they see it - Greg Nori and Chris Douridas spring to mind, for example. I would be the guy that all these well-heeled major label bands looking for a pre-release makeover come to for a new name. I'd also do pro bono work for those poorer cousins in the minor label leagues because I'm a generous guy (well, there are some stipulations - they have to be all-female and promise to wash and shine my Porsche in cut-offs)

My resume: I came up with the following band names for bands I actually played in so I guess I'm sorta qualified: Bikermutt, Livestock, Fukt-Up Mommee and Yoko Kill John. Of course, none of these bands were every a success by the popular definition of the word but that hasn't stopped other people. I mean, look at Dennis Leary.

Random (and possibly very bad) Band Names by Jim H:

  • Fuck Me Troubadour
  • Murph's Bald Head
  • Mexican Spring
  • Abandoned AntiChrist
  • Superman's Greatest Foe
  • The Young Miners
  • Cartwheels In The Dirt
  • Currently Here... No, There.
  • Turn (a band name that will confound google searchers)
  • Coronation in Croatia
  • Parts Undecided
  • Cider Runs Down Her Legs
  • Elf Wing
  • Play Freebird!
  • Purdie's Tuba Company
  • I Know, You Know, So Fuck It
  • Crazyglue Remover
  • Mr. Durso's Gym and Geometry School
  • The Post-Partum Depression of Brooke Shields
  • is there a...
  • Neutron Bureaucrats
  • The Fuji Period
  • Balk
  • The Party Celebrating the Destruction of the United States
  • The Asian Hand Puppetry Booth
  • A Yo La Tengo Cover Band (the band should play the antithesis of YLT and never do YLT covers)

If you decide to use one of these names, please drop me a line - I offer them to you free of charge, no copyright or fee bullshit - I need to know though for my resume.

(if you think of a random band name - maybe this is a language virus that is catching, stick it in the comments, please)

((Ok, I'm really just wasting time procrastinating from doing my cleaning and laundry chores. Fuck it.))


At 12:48 PM, Blogger escapegrace said...

I always wanted a band named Reptile Mistress (after a D.H. Lawrence poem), or if we were metal, Rodenticide.

At 9:25 PM, Blogger Eric said...

For years my little brother and I were going to start a band called James Brown Destruction Theory. We came up with it when we were sky high and thought it was the bomb. As time has shown, nothing came of it. Years later while getting high we convinced ourselves Jon Spencer Blues Explosion ripped us off. Sometimes I miss getting high

At 11:26 PM, Blogger Jim H said...

Escape - I may have blogged about a Baltimore band called Reptile House (starring Danny - now in Lungfish). Baltimore also had the Spastic Rats - not exactly Rodentcide but that's what it reminds me of.

... yep I'm (completely) drug free since 03 although I tapered off the devil weed many years prior. I miss it when I'm trying to get creative or listening to a certain piece of music but then think of how socially retarded it made me and don't. I also don't miss the paranoid late night driving flashbacks.

At 10:57 AM, Blogger Jim H said...

I thought of this while driving into work today:

The Groveling Codpieces

At 3:15 PM, Blogger Ian said...

- Shitty Mussolini
- Super Destructo Puppies
- Undead Spinoza Babies
- 10,000 Dead New Yorkers

At 9:36 PM, Anonymous Ellen said...

-The Thousand Dollar Scholarship
-Grenadine Moon-face
-Counsel of Deep Sea Creatures*
-Venn Diagram
-The Pundett Squares
-Marry Rich

*my friend Layne's solo music project


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